Today I wanted to share James 1:3, a bible verse that holds deep meaning to me.
It says, “the testing of your faith produces endurance” The testing of your faith… produces endurance? How can that be? As backwards as this sounds, a difficult trial, or suffering, (testing of your faith) is a time to thank the Lord, a time to rejoice. Trials make you stronger and produce endurance for life’s journey. You will gain a deeper faith and strength than you once had because of the test or valley you experienced. One example of a test or valley for me that always will be in my heart for ever are the two miscarriages that Eric and I suffered through. One before my daughter, and one before my son. Even though they happened a long time ago, I still feel saddened at times by the losses. I am stronger in my faith due to these “valleys” and felt God’s comfort and presence on me specifically in the second loss. After going through losing a second baby, I had many emotions. Consistent crying, sadness, confusion, anger toward pregnant women, (yes I felt that way) being secluded in my house, and feelings of anger towards God. I just couldn’t understand why I was going through this again. I remember getting down on my knees one day, near my bed, praying and crying out to God to heal me. I asked for help to stop feeling sad, emotional, confused, depressed and mad at Him. I asked Him for forgiveness for being mad at Him, and asked to help heal me right now. I was sick and tired of feeling all these things….and at the end of all my crying and praying and venting out loud to Him, I physically felt a comforting touch on my shoulder. Like someone actually touched my shoulder, but no one was home, it was just me. It stopped all my emotions and put me to a silent, comforting peace. I instantly felt comfort, and that it was going to be okay. I felt God. I have never felt God before, I was in awe. This experience brought me closer to Him. It helped me understand that I was not alone, He was there and He was going to make it okay, and somehow I knew Eric and I would be parents again to another sweet child. Our world is sinful in nature, and Satan is lurking in every opportunity he can. God does not allow bad things to happen to us. Our world does because of sin. God is there to redeem us and give us comfort, favor, blessings, and many more beautiful things. We just have to have faith and trust in Him.
It was an amazing experience God gave me while I was suffering so badly. I will never forget that moment. After several months, I healed physically and also mentally and began to gradually feel better. Once that happened, we became pregnant and carried that pregnancy full term with our son. Our daughter was 3 1/2 at the time. Looking back I am grateful for how the events played out, because if it weren’t for those miscarriages, I wouldn’t have my daughter or son now. They are the greatest gifts and blessings to Eric and I. These valleys made my faith so much stronger and I grew closer to God during this second time of loss.
I look forward to meeting our angel babies someday and having us all be together through eternity. Maybe these devastating miscarriages so many women suffer through is an opportunity for angels, and our loved ones up above, to be able to enjoy babies in heaven. I can’t help but think that 0ur grandparents, both sides, have the joy of knowing our angel babies and are raising them up in the heavens. I truly believe that and it gives me so much comfort.
So I want to share with you today, that if you are reading this, and you are going through any struggle, or valley, just know that God is there walking with you, putting His hand on your shoulder…you are not alone. And I believe and know that you will cross through that valley in God’s timing and come out stronger than when you entered. And If you are currently suffering through a miscarriage, please know that I understand, I have been there and I know it hurts, but you WILL heal. It will take time to heal. It may take a long time. I believe God is crying along with you and feels your suffering and pain and loss. It hurts Him also, but He carries our burdens, sadness, and grief. So lift all that up to Him and allow yourself to heal. I am praying for you that you will do just that. And someday, when we are in heaven for eternity with God and our loved ones, we will be able to understand it all.
These amazing pictures were taken by my beautiful and talented photographer friend and mentor, Melissa Gregersen. She is a Southwest Michigan lifestyle photographer that focuses primarily on wedding and children portraiture. Her passion and creativity in photography shines in every session she works. You can obtain more info and check out her beautiful website here.
Thank you again Melissa for taking these photos, it was such a fun morning spent with you and your team!